You are getting divorced for a reason. Creating a "custody agreement" may seem daunting as you probably haven't been able to agree on much for a while. You may want different things when it comes to the custody of your child. In order to reach an agreement, you are going to have to find common ground.
If you are good parents, both of you will want what is best for your child. This can serve as the "common ground" you need to base your parenting plan on. You should try hard to put your personal feelings aside and try to create your agreement in a professional and objective manner. What YOU want-what your ex wants-these things don't matter. What matters is that your child is able to spend time with both parents. Your child should feel secure and loved. Your differences should not have a negative effect on your child.
You may want to start with a basic visitation schedule. Your child should be able to spend time with each of you on a frequent and ongoing basis. You will need to consider your work schedules and create a visitation schedule that makes the most of your available time. It makes absolutely no sense for "visitation" to occur if a child will be sitting in daycare or home alone during the "visit". In fact, when feasible, it is better for a child to spend time with a parent than with an alternate caregiver.
One thing you should not consider when creating your visitation schedule is child support. Too often, parents fight and battle each other in an effort to get more time with their child because the amount of time a parent spends with the child may affect child support.
A parent may try to get full custody of the child in order to avoid paying child support or a parent may attempt to get full custody of the child in order to receive more child support. Judges encounter this situation day in and day out and see right through it. This selfish thinking just prolongs the custody case and causes unnecessary stress on the parents AND the child. Create your schedule according to your child's needs and what is best for her. Let the judge worry about child support.
Your basic custody agreement will include the visitation schedule as well as rules and provisions for raising your child. Who will be responsible for making decisions regarding the child's health and education? Who is going to transport the child for visits? How will you change the plan if circumstances change in the future?
Your custody schedule should provide answers to all of your questions and address all of the issues you are having or may have in the future. You will include a new provision in your plan for each question you answer. Start with what you can agree on and go from there.
Mediation is a great resource to help you reach an agreement. However, you should never walk into mediation unprepared. You don't want to get in there and freeze up and forget things you wanted to include. Prepare a proposed parenting plan or bring a list of requests. Give valid reasons for your request and be prepared to listen to the other parent and make compromises.
Anything you do not agree on will be decided on by the judge so it is advisable to try to work together and reach an agreement for the sake of your child.
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