Basic Visitation Schedules and Custody Agreements - Finding Common Ground

You are getting divorced for a reason. Creating a "custody agreement" may seem daunting as you probably haven't been able to agree on much for a while. You may want different things when it comes to the custody of your child. In order to reach an agreement, you are going to have to find common ground.

If you are good parents, both of you will want what is best for your child. This can serve as the "common ground" you need to base your parenting plan on. You should try hard to put your personal feelings aside and try to create your agreement in a professional and objective manner. What YOU want-what your ex wants-these things don't matter. What matters is that your child is able to spend time with both parents. Your child should feel secure and loved. Your differences should not have a negative effect on your child.

You may want to start with a basic visitation schedule. Your child should be able to spend time with each of you on a frequent and ongoing basis. You will need to consider your work schedules and create a visitation schedule that makes the most of your available time. It makes absolutely no sense for "visitation" to occur if a child will be sitting in daycare or home alone during the "visit". In fact, when feasible, it is better for a child to spend time with a parent than with an alternate caregiver.

One thing you should not consider when creating your visitation schedule is child support. Too often, parents fight and battle each other in an effort to get more time with their child because the amount of time a parent spends with the child may affect child support.

A parent may try to get full custody of the child in order to avoid paying child support or a parent may attempt to get full custody of the child in order to receive more child support. Judges encounter this situation day in and day out and see right through it. This selfish thinking just prolongs the custody case and causes unnecessary stress on the parents AND the child. Create your schedule according to your child's needs and what is best for her. Let the judge worry about child support.

Your basic custody agreement will include the visitation schedule as well as rules and provisions for raising your child. Who will be responsible for making decisions regarding the child's health and education? Who is going to transport the child for visits? How will you change the plan if circumstances change in the future?

Your custody schedule should provide answers to all of your questions and address all of the issues you are having or may have in the future. You will include a new provision in your plan for each question you answer. Start with what you can agree on and go from there.

Mediation is a great resource to help you reach an agreement. However, you should never walk into mediation unprepared. You don't want to get in there and freeze up and forget things you wanted to include. Prepare a proposed parenting plan or bring a list of requests. Give valid reasons for your request and be prepared to listen to the other parent and make compromises.

Anything you do not agree on will be decided on by the judge so it is advisable to try to work together and reach an agreement for the sake of your child.

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How to Change Child Custody Schedules When There Are No Signed Arrangements?

Child custody is the source of great frustration for a lot of divorced couples or those who were never married, and the frustration is not always limited to the non-custodial parent. Custodial parents may be upset with the heavier burden placed upon them, especially if they do not feel they are receiving adequate child support. But most often, the non-custodial parent is unhappy with the custodial arrangement. The non-custodial parent may take his or her concerns to the custodial parent and request they work with them to allow them to receive more time with the child.

A lot of custodial parents are receptive to the proposed changes, as long as they are fair. Common requests include allowing them to see the children for an extended period over the summer or around the winter holidays, and a request for an extra day during the week on which they may see the child. The arrangement may work great on both sides for a while, but if circumstances change and the custodial parent or the non-custodial parent is unable to continue the verbal custody arrangement, the absence of a court order outlining the new arrangement may prevent the complaining parent from keeping the plan from reverting to the original order.

That is why it is so important to go through the proper channels whenever you wish to change a child custody arrangement, or the terms of any agreement that are outlined in a court order. Without this proper legal documentation, you may be left helpless if the other party wishes to cancel your verbal arrangement in favor of the old court ordered arrangement. It may seem cold to go through the proper legal channels to obtain the court order, and you may feel like it is counter-productive to do so after you and your ex-spouse work hard to trust each other post-divorce.

But even if you feel that you can trust your ex-spouse and believe that there is no reason that a new verbal arrangement cannot work out for both sides, protecting yourself by going through the proper legal channels and obtaining a modification to a court order is important. That said, and pertinent to the question posed in the title, if you wish to change the schedule when a signed arrangement is not in place, you still must go through the courts to ensure that the new schedule is enforceable and legally binding. Doing so is beneficial to both sides and can actually prevent future skirmishes when the schedule is laid out so clearly.

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The Penalties for Not Paying Child Support

When I have probationers who come into my office and tell me that they owe back child support, I am 95 percent certain that I am going to have problems with them. The penalties for not paying child support are pretty severe, and with probation, we are essentially asking irresponsible people to be responsible in a number of ways. Back child support is almost as problematic in successfully completing probation as drug use, and it is something that I always hate to see.

I had a probationer come in a few months ago who was not paying child support and told me it was because she did not make enough money to do so. I asked her how much she made per month, and it was well over what she was supposed to pay. She did not seem to be the slightest bit concerned about the issue and that carried over to her probation fees. She did not feel a need to pay those, and within a few months, because she was not meeting any of the other conditions of her probation and had a couple of positive drug tests, I sent her file back to court for a motion to revoke.

She was arrested within a few weeks and immediately called me, pleading to be let back onto probation. I explained to her that it was out of my hands now and that she would have to explain what happened to the judge. Well, when it came out that she was also not paying child support, it was discovered that she had a bench warrant in another county, and before her revocation hearing could even be conducted on her motion to revoke, she had to go and sit six months in the other county's jail.

Needless to say, she was not a happy camper and tried to blame everyone else for her troubles. She was crying and screaming that it was not fair to her to put her in that kind of situation. When all was said and done, I asked a representative from the attorney general's office how much my probationer owed in back child support. The woman informed me that by not paying child support for more that three years, she owed more than $36,000 and was not going to be given any kind of leniency, because she was not even making an effort to help support her son.

This is just one example of the kind of story I hear on a monthly basis about people not paying child support. It is a major pain for me to have to deal with, and I almost want to tell those people when they are placed on probation just to serve their time in prison, because in all likelihood, they are not going to make it anyway.

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How to Create Basic Custody Agreements and Visitation Schedules

If you are thinking about filing for custody of your child, you may be wondering about what you will need to include in your custody agreement.

Different states have different laws, but there are a few key components that all basic custody agreements should contain:

A child visitation schedule. Consider the child visitation schedule to be the bones of your custody plan. The visitation schedule will dictate when your child is going to spend time with you. You should take the time to consider the needs of your child and create a fair child visitation schedule.

A division of custody. What kind of custody are you going to have? Some states don't make you specify a type of custody, but most of them do.

Regardless, you should clarify whether or not you will share physical and legal custody or if one of you will have sole custody. It is possible to have a combination of joint and sole custody.

If you share legal custody, you will need to include a list of who is responsible for making major decisions that affect your child's well-being.

Methods for changing the plan. Unless your child is seventeen, the needs of your child will change as she grows towards adulthood.

You should include procedures for periodically reviewing the plan and modifying it.

The extra time you spend creating your visitation schedule now will pay off in the long run. A clear and specific custody schedule will save you time and money since it reduces the chance of potential conflict.

A method for dispute resolution. If you do experience conflict with your ex regarding your custody agreement in the future, you should have a method for solving your problems in place. A method of dispute resolution will act as a safety net and should prevent you from returning to court to have the judge make a ruling.

Returning to court after your case has been settled will take a lot of your time and / or money. If you can agree to a plan now and stick to it in the future, you will save yourself a lot of grief. You may opt to seek the advice of your clergy or a trusted mutual friend or non-biased family member. You may also consider returning to mediation to hash things out.

The plan that works best for you should be your first line of defense when dealing with your ex in the future.

The rules. A custody agreement is your chance to make the rules for raising your child apart. You may include any relevant items that you are able to agree on in your plan. Some of the topics you may want to consider are transportation, communication, optional expenses such as school dances and orthodontics, information sharing, extracurricular activities, and more.

Creating a basic custody agreement and visitation schedule can be stressful, but it doesn't have to be. If you know what to expect and what to include, you will stay one step ahead of your ex throughout the entire process. This will enable you to create a successful that meets the needs of your child.

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How To Make A Custody Battle The Easiest On Your Children

We all begin our lives with big dreams, and many of those dreams consist of a happy family and marriage, but unfortunately sometimes it does not always work out in the end. Many parents feel that they need to fight for custody of their kids with their spouse, and find that with the added emotions of the divorce the battle can become quite nasty. There are several things that every parent should keep in mind when deciding the custody of their children, and below is a list comprised of all the issues that every parent should take notice of.

Use this checklist as a how-to guide for your custody battle:
• Communicate directly or through your lawyer. Do not use your child as your personal receptionist to your spouse. Your child is going to have a hard enough time dealing with your divorce without you and your spouse putting them in charge of transmitting your messages to your spouse.

• Do not use your child against your spouse. Your job as a parent is to do whatever is in the best interest of your children. No matter how badly you were hurt by your spouse do not try to restrict your spouse's visitation of your children just because you are angry with them. This of course does not hold true if your spouse is abusive, but if they are a good parent let them be, do not take the fact that they were not a good spouse out on your children.

• Keep your negative words about your spouse to yourself or share with friends. Do not bring your kids into the middle of your divorce. You should want your children to have a good relationship with both of their parents, and when you speak to your children in a negative manner about your spouse it puts them in a very difficult situation.

• Talk to your kids. It is important that you set some time aside to talk with your kids or spend time with them that does not involve the divorce or custody issues. You need to make sure to let your children know that you and your spouse both love them, and while your relationship with your spouse did not work out you will be there for your children. Children worry a great deal if they are the reason that their parents split up, so it is important to let them know that it was not their fault.

• Hire a skilled lawyer. You never want to enter into a legal fight without good representation. You want a lawyer that specializes in divorce and custody hearings to be by your side throughout your proceedings. While it may seem pricey for something that should be fairly straightforward it is well worth the price you will pay. You will want someone on your side fighting for you if things happen to get nasty.

Where to Get Help Making Child Custody Issue Easier for Your Child

If you or a loved one is going through a separation or divorce, or expects to go through a separation or divorce, consult with a qualified family law attorney.

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Who Is Divorce Hardest For?

Getting a divorce is hard for everyone involved.

When you are a husband or wife, and you have made a decision to separate from your spouse and get a divorce, you face a lot of challenges. A divorce can be emotionally taxing for you. When you began your marriage, you probably thought it would last forever, so getting a divorce means the marriage that you began with such high hopes is crumbling in front of you. That can definitely hurt.

A divorce can also hurt a man or woman financially. If one of the spouses was the sole bread winner, they will now have to keep supporting their ex even though the marriage has ended. And if you are a partner who did not work, then you will be supported somewhat by your ex, but you will not enjoy the amount of financial stability that you had when you and your spouse shared all your finances.

Sometimes the biggest impact of a divorce, though, can be felt by the children. If a husband and wife had children during their marriage, one or ten it doesn't matter, then these children are going to be undergoing a huge change in their life. The family and stability that they grew up knowing will be gone in an instant. The structure that taught them about how society should work will vanish. The role models that they looked up to as an example of what a husband and wife should be will be tainted. It's easy to see from this that children are the ones that are hurt most in a divorce.

So when you are going through a divorce, it is important to have an attorney who will fight for what is best for the children when it comes to child custody. Some attorneys will push for sole custody for the mother, some will follow other guidelines, but what you really want is someone who can look at your specific family dynamic and champion the best choice for the children.

Some people getting divorced may believe that they do not need an attorney to represent them in their case, but when dealing with something as important as child custody, you should always have a lawyer there to help you ensure that your children are getting the best outcome.

Divorce is hard, but you can make it easier on your children. Hire an attorney the specializes in family law and who wants to help you do what's best for your children.

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Online Dating Made Simple - 3 Tips to Simply Using Online Dating Sites to Meet Women

online dating can be a really simple way for a guy who has run out of ideas to meet women to actually connect and interact with single women. You don't even have to be someone who has run out of ideas, you might just prefer using a platform other than the normal bar scene to meet a woman. However, as simple as it may be, a lot of men find that it ends up being harder than they had hoped it would be. Some will even feel that way before they even get started and hopefully, that does not happen to you. If it does, there are things that you can do that will simplify the process of using online dating sites to meet women.

Here are 3 tips that I think you will find makes it a lot easier to meet women on the internet:

1) Don't just opt for one site and one site only.

When you first start out, you may want to try using just one site to get a feel for what you are doing and how to make yourself stand out. However, you might find that the first site that you choose doesn't seem to have the selection that you are looking for, or that the number of women who are available in your area is just too little. If that is the case, then you may want to try a couple of other sites if you can. Kind of like going to one bar and seeing that it is dead and then deciding to make the rounds to a few other bars to see if they are more lively.

2) Do try your best to start conversations with women online.

Using a web based platform to meet women is no magic bullet where you are automatically going to just attract female attention. You are going to have to try and make things happen and that means that you need to be able to start conversations with women and see how it flows from there. Don't worry if you don't get it right on the first few women you try to connect with. There will be more.

3) Don't forget that what you really need to do is to make a woman want to get to know you in person.

It's great that you can use your computer to connect with someone and you can have some fun flirting with a woman online, but if you really want to see some magic in your dating life, then you are going to have to advance off of the computer and meet up face to face. Don't forget that.